


snoozing soundly

by zoosmell



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Degradee, Dom/sub Undertones, Extremely Dubious Consent, Light BDSM, M/M, Masturbation, Non-Consensual Somnophilia, Somnophilia, kinda dead dove
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:53:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25250416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoosmell/pseuds/zoosmell
Summary: Alright, you’re gonna do it.And pray to whatever God up there that Dirk doesn’t catch you in the act.
Relationships: Jake English & Dirk Strider, One-Sided Jake English/Dirk Strider - Relationship
Comments: 3
Kudos: 51





	snoozing soundly

**Author's Note:**

> i am sorry for being nasty
> 
> i didn't know what to tag it as consent-wise so it's like this to be on the safe side
> 
> enjoy i guess

It’s pitch black out, and yet, you can’t sleep. 

It’s pitch black out, you can’t sleep, and on top of that, you have a painful fucking boner and your best friend is laying right fucking there. You could, you know, just rub one out in the bathroom; but you feel as if the sense of him being here adds to it all, it feeling like you’re doing something bad just by getting turned on by his state of sleep - and your feeling nasty for it turns you on more.

You think if you hear another cricket buzz, you’re going to kill somebody.

Okay, maybe that’s a little far. But, you have bigger things to worry about, so you wave the thought away. What are you ever supposed to do here? You can’t just... rub one out while Dirk’s right here?

Or can you?

No, no, you won’t. You can’t just do that.

Or can you?

You assume the thoughts are only coming out now because you’re so far gone already, and any of these scenarios you ponder are just making you even more painfully horny (which extends to your situation under the waistband of your pants, too — one which, at the moment, you're worryingly starting to delve into the specifications of, realizing just how hot jerking off with Dirk asleep next to you sounds.)

Your name is Jake English, and you might jerk your knob with your best friend sitting right next to you.

Okay, well, maybe you’re being a little too hasty. There’s a lot of things you have to think about, like... would Dirk wake up? 

Okay, no, he sleeps like a fucking rock - usually, you become his human alarm every time you stay over.

How will you cover things up? Well, that’s solved by a quick turn of your head to Dirk’s nightstand, where you notice a bottle of lotion and a box of tissues. 

Yeah, you’re not surprised, honestly. And at this point, you’re pretty sure everything you’re saying to stop yourself from just doing it is really just you holding back out of pure unadulterated embarrassment and fear. A deep part of you feels like the chances of him waking up to you are too high, but then again, your hard-on sure isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Yeah, you could just walk into the bathroom to do it, but if anything, that’ll probably make even more noise than just doing it right here.

Alright, you’re gonna do it.

And pray to whatever God up there that Dirk doesn’t catch you in the act.

(Actually, the more you think about that, the hornier it makes you. You’ll... push that a little away, for now.)

* * *

After a couple minutes of sitting in your self-loathing, you gently pull down your pyjama shorts and boxers waistband, seething out a shaky breath from your teeth at the friction of the blanket as your cock flops out of your clothes. You have to stop your hips from bucking into the air, and you realize just how long it’s been since you’ve actually gotten off. Painfully long. You’re not even sure why, it just... you never really felt the need unless you got a boner and that only ever happens around or talking to Dirk, which is... a whole other debacle that you won’t get into. Yeah, you’re still not sure how the whole Dirk thing is supposed to work out— but that’s really aside from the point here. It’s hard to even think about any of this crap, because you’re fucking hard to the point of throbbing, and if you don’t get off right now you’re going to die.

Again, with the extremes, Jake! Take a darn chill pill.

Before your mind can wander any longer, you take a shaky hand up to your mouth and slick it with saliva, not wanting to disturb the placement of Dirk’s lotion bottle. Who knows? Maybe he’s got a hyperactive memory and would notice that you shifted its placement. Better to be safe than darn sorry, you think, turning with your back to Dirk and positioning yourself comfortably. 

You take your spit-coated hand and hastily wrap it around your dick, slowly dragging onward and covering your mouth with the second pillow on Dirk’s bed. You wish you could say you were quiet, especially when you’re just having some solo time, but embarrassingly enough, you’re loud as fuck. You’re sure whoever you end up with in the end won’t care though.

Or, well, you can always hope.

That’s enough of that, though. The less you think, the faster you’re able to work your hand, and the more it feels like a life fucking mission to jerk yourself to orgasm and come all over your hands and a wad of tissues.

Dirk’s tissues.

It’s very apparent where you’re doing this whole thing when you hear Dirk snore as you repress another cry-moan into the pillow, and you realize just how fucking endangered you are, for a lack of better word. He could wake up any moment now, look at you, tell you about how much of a dirty fucking slut you are, edge you until you’re practically begging for release—

Oh, there’s another moan. This time, it’s honestly hard to hold back. You muffle it with the pillow, turning from your side to having your ass in the air, knees pressed to the mattress. In any normal situation, it would be uncomfortable, but you’re so busy jerking off that it hardly enters your train of thought.

As you continue, your pleads and moans get harder and harder to control, and you're starting to forget exactly where you are right now. You never cared to take off your glasses before now, so they make a weird squeak noise every time you dig your face into the pillow, and you're certain you'll have to clean them off afterwards.

"Mmmmmm, fuck," you groan muffled into the fabric, your toes curling at the feeling. You're dripping with pre-come now, and it does help the leverage on your hand for sure, but you're going to try to drag this out as long as possible, as you're pretty sure this is one of the best jack-off sessions you've had, like, ever.

"Oh, oh my god," you chant breathily, noticeably less muffled than before. You've stopped caring - Dirk's not gonna wake up, and even if he did, that's literally the farthest from your mind right now. If anything, the thought of him waking up and degrading you like the gross little freak you are is driving you even closer to the brink than anything. You want him to tease you, toy with you, throw you around like you're nothing - you always have, it's become commonplace for your thoughts. You'd never tell him though - you're almost certain things would never be the same between you two, and that's not worth the risk, is it?

Yeah, whatever. Worrying about your best-friend-possibly-crush is literally the least appealing-sounding thing right now, so you catch back up with your pace, probably placing more pressure at the base of your cock than is entirely pleasurable. 

"Fuck, fuckfuckfuck," you breathe out, whining as you steadily approach orgasm. "Dirk, Dirk, oh my  _ god _ !" Shamelessly, you call his name, hoping he can't secretly hear you. You don't even give a shit anymore - because, God, you love him, and if he sees you getting beyond hot and bothered for him, you're sure he'd be okay with it. Or maybe not. But as you curse under your breath and whine his name again, the thought exits your brain one last time, and with a final haste stroke, you spill out all over your hand, sperm shooting into the bed sheet under you. 

Once your breath slows down to a normal pace, it goes right back up again when you hear the tap of coarse fingernails from the other side of the bed. Shit, fuck, shit shit shit, you knew this was a terrible idea-

"Well," Dirk says with a judgement-filled hum, drawling out that last consonant. "Sounds like someone enjoyed himself."

"Dirk, I-" You stammer, rushing to sit up in the bed and cover yourself with the blanket. Sometime between all this you wiped your hand off with the tissues and tossed the trash of it to the floor, but there's still remains of your seed on the bedsheet, and even thinking about it makes the regret seep in more. "I'm so sorry, I can't..."

"Jake, it's fine," he sighs, chuckling a little as he takes his glasses off and places them on the nightstand. "If anything, it's a little relieving."

"How long were you awake for? I- I'm sorry, I honestly did try to make it discreet," you apologize profusely. God, you just want to die right about now! O-kay, yeah, that's an exaggeration. Dirk stares through you, his sleep-deprived eyes like daggers, yet he's got this slightest smile curling up the corners of his mouth, and this look he's giving you is one you wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

"Um, like, the whole thing. Dude, no offence, you aren't very quiet," he laughs a little. That stung. You try, but it's hard. Sometimes you feel way too girlish about it-

"Stop it, Jake, I can tell you're deprecating yourself in your head right now." 

"I suppose that's right," you muse, scratching your chin with a twitchy finger. 

"You look shaky," Dirk says, patting the comforter and heaving himself off the bed. He turns to your side, grabbing a towel to place on the forming sheet stain and offering you a hand up.

"Let's go take a shower," he offers, and you oblige. You're kind of worried by the fact that he isn't really acknowledging anything that occurred, but... you'll probably hear about it tomorrow. That or you two can just sweep this all under the rug, act like it never happened, something like that. You two get into the shower eventually, barely fitting into the cramped glass box and being shrouded in steam, but you manage - the two of you always do.

It's definitely more awkward, but you think in the end, it was worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> also this isnt an angstfic dirk likes jake back and they jack eachother off in the morning and all is well. thank you
> 
> actually maybe you'll see that sometime... hm
> 
> [Tumblr](https://brother--lover.tumblr.com/) | [18+ Twitter](https://twitter.com/zoosmells)


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